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'Love wasn't enough': Grieving mum speaks at inquest into six youth suicides

Author
Shannon Pitman,
Publish Date
Wed, 30 Oct 2024, 8:34pm
The death of Hamuera Ellis-Erihe is being investigated at a Northland coroner hearing.
The death of Hamuera Ellis-Erihe is being investigated at a Northland coroner hearing.

'Love wasn't enough': Grieving mum speaks at inquest into six youth suicides

Author
Shannon Pitman,
Publish Date
Wed, 30 Oct 2024, 8:34pm

WARNING: This article discusses suicide and may be upsetting to some readers.

Bullying, mental health, relationships and support services are being brought to the surface as an inquiry begins into a spate of suspected youth suicides in Northland that left six families devastated.

鈥淢y son was very loved, loved beyond words but love wasn鈥檛 enough to keep him here,鈥 one mother said through tears on day one of a month-long coroner鈥檚 inquest hearing.

The hearing is being heard before Coroner Tania Tetitaha and will look into the deaths of five youths in 2018 and one in 2020. They were aged between 12 and 16.

Coroner Tetitaha opened the hearing on Tuesday by acknowledging the extreme emotional trauma the loss of the young people has caused and said she hoped the hearing鈥檚 outcomes would bring closure for their wh膩nau.

She said the issues of what led to each suspected suicide will be explored, including impediments to access to suicide prevention and recommendations to prevent similar deaths occurring.

鈥淲e need to be able to move you on so you have some pathway forward,鈥 Coroner Tetitaha said to wh膩nau at the hearing.

Hamuera Rawiri Arapeta Ellis-Erihe was 16 years old when he is believed to have taken his own life. His mother Bobby-Jo Ellis was the first witness to give evidence around details leading up to her son鈥檚 death.

Ellis told the court her son was a caring soul, full of potential who brought so much happiness to his wh膩nau and was a natural dancer.

鈥淗e loved music, he was a rapper, a dancer and a bit of a singer. He was a real natural,鈥 she said.

鈥淗e was also a bit of a lady鈥檚 man, he was all about the girls.鈥

When Ellis-Erihe hit high school, his life began to take a turn.

The mother of three said her son was beaten up by a local street gang, the ADKZ, for shoes and phones on an almost fortnightly basis.

She said the gang would circulate at bus stops looking for recruits and her son stopped going to school to avoid them. When she told him to sort the situation out, he joined the gang.

鈥淗e tried to stay away from them but thought 鈥業f you can鈥檛 beat 鈥榚m, join 鈥榚m鈥, she said.

Ellis said she was regularly called into the deputy principal鈥檚 office in regard to her son鈥檚 behaviour.

鈥淪olo mothers are trying to keep our children at school but it is hard to keep a child at school when a child doesn鈥檛 want to be there, I was doing all I could,鈥 she said.

By 16, Ellis-Erihe was on to his third high school, where he finally found his place.

鈥淗e was very loved there and was loving it. We saw some huge changes, he had set some goals and he knew what he wanted to do,鈥 Ellis said proudly.

Ellis said her son had a girlfriend of three years whom he loved very much but at times there were difficulties in the relationship.

On August 25, 2018, her son was up early, had done the dishes and was ready for school. She dropped him and his girlfriend off at school but was surprised when he turned up at home an hour later.

鈥淗e just sat on the couch and played spacies, he was really down.鈥

Northland coroner Tania Tetitaha is leading the inquiry into the youth suicides. Photo / 九一星空无限
Northland coroner Tania Tetitaha is leading the inquiry into the youth suicides. Photo / 九一星空无限

She heard he had argued with his girlfriend over a doughnut. Later that night, he insisted that someone drop him off at her house.

鈥業 died the day Hamuera died鈥

About 11pm he had a bag on his back and said he was going to her house and his mother said: 鈥淒on鈥檛 be stupid, I鈥檒l take you tomorrow.鈥

It would be the last time she would see her son, who was found deceased the next day.

鈥淚 died the day Hamuera died,鈥 she said through tears.

鈥淚 have given up on life so to speak, I don鈥檛 cook, I don鈥檛 drive anymore because I become oblivious, a few times I would drive through red lights and I haven鈥檛 slept since he died.鈥

People began to leave items in memory of Ellis-Erihe at Raumanga Valley Reserve, which his mother said the council told her to remove several times.

鈥淚 had to tell them I couldn鈥檛 keep doing it as it was hard for me as his mum, I would take them away and more would appear.鈥

In the end, Whang膩rei District Council realised the huge impact his life had on others and installed a memorial plaque in his honour in the park.

Ellis said that after her son鈥檚 death, support for those left behind became a huge issue and felt she could not connect with counsellors being offered to her or her children.

鈥淪he made me draw pictures of my favourite places, I found it lame and demoralising.鈥

Hamuera Ellis-Erihe was described as a happy, caring soul.  Photo / supplied
Hamuera Ellis-Erihe was described as a happy, caring soul. Photo / supplied

Ellis said she hoped telling her son鈥檚 story would help others and was seeking recommendations from the coroner around more awareness for suicide and prevention of bullying.

鈥淭here needs to be more awareness and support that suicide should never be an option.

鈥淚 don鈥檛 want to see this happen again let alone to someone I love. My son was very loved, loved beyond words but love wasn鈥檛 enough to keep him here.鈥

Multiple witnesses will be called to give evidence from the Ministry of Education, Oranga Tamariki and Health New Zealand.

Coroner Tetitaha is expected to release her recommendations in early 2025 and but already indicated 鈥渢here will be a finding that all these rangatahi died by suicide鈥.

SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION


Where to get help:
 : Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
 : Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
鈥 Youth services: (06) 3555 906
 : Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
 : Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
 : Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
鈥 Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737
 : Call 0800 000 053
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111

Shannon Pitman is a Whang膩rei based reporter for Open Justice covering courts in the Te Tai Tokerau region. She is of Ng膩puhi/ Ng膩ti P奴kenga descent and has worked in digital media for the past five years. She joined 九一星空无限 in 2023.

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