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‘Emotionally draining’: The burial mishap that left a family heartbroken

Author
Jenny Ling,
Publish Date
Thu, 27 Feb 2025, 11:41am
RaeRae Hemara and her whānau were heartbroken when the council told them their nana Valmai Whyte couldn’t be buried with her husband Herbert because it was only a single plot. Photo / Jenny Ling
RaeRae Hemara and her wh膩nau were heartbroken when the council told them their nana Valmai Whyte couldn鈥檛 be buried with her husband Herbert because it was only a single plot. Photo / Jenny Ling

‘Emotionally draining’: The burial mishap that left a family heartbroken

Author
Jenny Ling,
Publish Date
Thu, 27 Feb 2025, 11:41am

A Northland family faced 鈥渦nbelievable difficulties and heartbreak鈥 trying to arrange their nana鈥檚 burial with her husband. 

RaeRae Hemara and wh膩nau were 鈥渟hattered鈥 when Far North District Council (FNDC) told them Valmai Whyte could not be buried with her husband Herbert Whyte in Wiroa Serviceman鈥檚 Cemetery, Kerikeri, despite having paid for a double plot when he died in 1989. 

The council has since apologised, saying the records they held did not indicate the plot in question was of double depth. 

When 94-year-old Valmai fell seriously ill earlier this year, the wh膩nau contacted FNDC to confirm her burial. 

鈥淭o our shock, we were told that the plot was only a single plot, and even her ashes could not be buried with him,鈥 great-great-granddaughter Hemara said. 

鈥淚t was chaos. We all knew it was a double plot.鈥 

Hemara said they had always known their nana wanted to be buried with Herbert, a Royal New Zealand Air Force veteran. 

鈥淲e were broken when we thought Nana couldn鈥檛 go with her husband.鈥 

Valmai died on January 14 but before her death, Hemara and her family made 鈥減hone call after phone call, and email after email painstakingly going through all the old paperwork, along with lots of googling, and endless back-and-forth鈥 to get to the bottom of the problem. 

To prove it was a double plot, the family presented the 1989 receipt, confirmation from the Kerikeri RSA and Veterans Association, and testimony from wh膩nau who arranged Herbert鈥檚 burial. 

鈥... The final decision rested with the council鈥, Hemara said. 

The council suggested the family buy another plot, and told them there were limited spaces, she said. 

A burial plot in the Far North costs $1179, according to council information. 

The only other option was to have the gravesite probed, wherein a rod is inserted into the ground to check for obstructions and confirm that a burial container will fit. The process can be expensive and takes time. 

The RSA suggested the family track down the original funeral home, which confirmed Herbert鈥檚 plot was a double. 

Valmai Whyte鈥檚 great-great-granddaughter RaeRae Hemara (left) and her daughter Maria Halliday had to prove they bought a double plot for her in 1989.Valmai Whyte鈥檚 great-great-granddaughter RaeRae Hemara (left) and her daughter Maria Halliday had to prove they bought a double plot for her in 1989. 

FNDC delivery and operations manager Trent Blakeman said the records held by the council did not indicate the plot in question was of double depth. 

He said staff began an investigation after Valmai鈥檚 wh膩nau raised the issue with the council. 

鈥淎fter confirming the status of this plot with the RSA Veterans Association, the cemetery records were corrected. 

鈥淭his was a regrettable error, and the council apologises for any distress this caused the wh膩nau.鈥' 

Hemara wanted to raise awareness 鈥渁bout the unbelievable difficulties and heartbreak鈥 faced by the family trying to arrange Valmai鈥檚 burial. 

The process had been 鈥渆xtremely frustrating and emotionally draining鈥, she said. 

鈥淭his shattered us as a wh膩nau and our hearts broke for our nana ... we hope no one else goes through that.鈥 

Kerikeri RSA president Bill Godfrey claimed the council鈥檚 cemetery records are 鈥渋n a shocking state鈥 and need to be corrected. 

鈥淭hey鈥檙e not accurate; there are parts of the cemetery that are not mapped correctly.鈥 

Blakeman said: 鈥淐ouncil is working to update and correct cemetery records. 

鈥淭his work is ongoing.鈥 

After Valmai鈥檚 service, the wh膩nau was informed by the sexton the council had initially provided the wrong plot for the burial. 

鈥淔ortunately, the sexton noticed the error and corrected it in time,鈥 Hemara said. 

Blakeman said the council had not been made aware that the information it provided to the council contractor regarding the location of the burial plot was incorrect. 

鈥淐ouncil staff will follow up this matter with the contractor directly.鈥 

Jenny Ling is a senior journalist at the Northern Advocate. She has a special interest in covering human interest stories, along with roading, lifestyle, business, and animal welfare issues. 

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