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A prominent musician accused of abuse broke down in tears this morning as his former partner, who he is accused of assaulting, testified in court. 

The man, who has interim name suppression, is facing 11 charges relating to physical abuse alleged to have occurred between late 2022 to late 2023. 

His trial began this week and he has pleaded not guilty to all charges. 

While being cross-examined by defence lawyer Susan Gray the woman accepted at times she had high levels of anger towards the defendant during their relationship. 

When asked what she got angry about, she said when he would criticise her or call her a “ho”. 

She told the court she didn’t get angry at him without provocation. 

“I would retaliate to him abusing me.” 

The defence’s case is that the physical aggression was initiated and spurred on by the complainant and he only used force against her in self-defence. 

Gray alleges the man had tried to leave the “toxic” relationship several times and even sought professional help to try to manage the alleged aggression from the woman. 

On Tuesday his former partner testified their relationship was troubled from the start and described him allegedly being controlling regarding her social media presence. 

She claimed he strangled her after she had posted a bikini selfie he didn’t like while on a trip to Bali. 

“He grabbed me by the neck, and I think he jammed my arm in the door and I hit my head on the doorframe and I scratched him at some point during this,” she said. 

“I was scared.” 

Social media was allegedly an ongoing issue for the pair, and the complainant said she “had to delete my social media to prove to him I wasn’t being a ‘ho’.” 

When she did have social media, she claimed he would check her follower count “every second day”. 

Later on the Bali trip, the woman alleged he assaulted her again. 

“He strangled me, and he put a pillow over my face because he wanted me to stop talking,” she alleged. 

After the holiday she told the court she reported the alleged incidents to police. 

“I wanted him to know that I wasn’t kidding when I said ‘you can’t do that', and it is serious, and it wasn’t my fault.” 

After the man found out about the report, she told the jury he said she would be “so f***ed” without him. 

“I would be nothing without him”, she alleged he said. 

At the time the woman said she chose not to take the complaint further. 

During the relationship she said she felt like there was an unfair power dynamic between the pair because of his job and because he was more than 20 years her senior. 

She said his role as a musician impacted their relationship. 

“He would always tie [his prominent music career] in with, ‘You’ll never do better than me‘.” 

One of the assault charges specifies a drink bottle was used as a weapon and another charge cites him allegedly biting her. 

The musician has also been charged with impeding her normal breathing by applying pressure to her throat. Threatening to kill and threatening to do grievous bodily harm charges were also laid. 

Three of the charges were for crimes that allegedly occurred on Boxing Day 2023. 

The assault charges where a weapon is not specified carry a maximum of two years’ imprisonment, the two that include allegations of a weapon hold a maximum of five years in prison. 

The charges for threatening to kill, threatening to do grievous bodily harm and impeding normal breathing each carry a maximum of five years’ imprisonment. 

FAMILY VIOLENCE 

How to get help: If you’re in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information or to find out about donating to other organisations::
• : Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• : Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• : Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• : Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• : For information on family violence
• : National Network of Family Violence Services
• : Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.
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Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers social issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.