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I don’t know why, but for some reason this year all the Mother’s Day advertising has really annoyed me. And that’s polite way of putting it.

First of all, it started weeks ago. Unfortunately, if you are someone like me who has embraced online shopping for all its convenience and are now on far too many mailing lists, occasions like Mother’s Day are an inbox nightmare. There isn’t a retailer out there who can’t spin a line for Mother’s Day patronage.

I’ve been pitched handbags, magazine subscriptions, cook books, kitchenware, clothing – you name it.

I also received an email saying an analysis company had predicted consumers in New Zealand are expected to spend approximately $265 million for Mother’s Day in 2019. Really? Look, that’s great retailers are having a boom week, but I feel a little uncomfortable about that figure.

Mother’s Day, a holiday we borrowed from the United States and which began as a means of celebrating the person who “has done more for you than anyone in the world” - and that’s a quote from the founder of Mothers Day Anna Jarvis - has long been criticised for becoming overly commercialised, and now it seems that the easiest way of saying thanks to our mothers is to fire them off a scented candle or hand cream.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a scented candle, but I don’t want us to fall into the trap of thinking buying stuff is the only option, because you can’t put a price on parenting.

There are so many other more meaningful ways of showing your gratitude. A handmade card, a phone call, a tidy house, a washing basket filled with folded washing, towels hung up in the bathroom, phones and devices put away for a day, a cooked meal. 

So, this year as the consumerism of it all got to me, I declared I didn’t want a thing – I wasn’t going to give in to the opportunists constantly filling my out-of-control inbox.

So for Mother’s Day, I have requested a clean oven. I am not a good oven cleaner, opening my oven can set off the fire alarm. So there will be a few of you out there that will understand the magnitude of what I am asking. This will be a real test of my children’s love.

When I instructed my family of my consumer free Mother’s Day wishes, thinking how grateful they would be not to have to think of the perfect present, I was greeted with utter silence. A moment or so later, my gorgeous partner said, “are you sure we can’t just buy you something?”

Anyway, all my issues about Mother’s Day went out the window on Wednesday night this week. Something happened that gave me a slightly different perspective on the day. 

My 10-year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. As I watched her stumble towards me, her face bright red and fear in her eyes, I calmly swung into action, leaning her forward and administering back blows with a frightening force. Food was flying everywhere but it took an abdominal thrust to get the large chunk out.

After we’d all recovered from the shock of what happened, I realised that being a mother isn’t something we should just be thanked for. Being a mother is privilege, a wonderful, loving, fun, chaotic, terrifying, exhausting experience that’s to be cherished, and thankful for.

Not that I’d tell my family that - I really, really want that oven cleaned.

I know not everyone can be a mum, or wants to be a mum. But just between you and I, today I am as grateful to be a mother, still, as I am as grateful to my Mum for all she has, and still does for me. So Happy Mother’s day.